Gardening where the sidewalk ends

Clematis Rehab May 12, 2009

Filed under: my garden,vines — greenwalks @ 8:54 am
Tags: , , , ,

They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no!
Yes I turned brown, but please don’t cut me down, said a-no, no, no!

Sad clematis

I ain’t got the time, and if my mommy thinks I’m fine
She tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no!

The lady said ‘why do you think you’re here?
I said I got no idea

I’m gonna, I’m gonna lose my leaves
’cause I always turn ’em brown like these.

Eek - Clematis armandii foliage not looking good

I don’t ever wanna be pruned again
I just ooh I just need these rocks as a friend
Ain’t gonna spend ten weeks growing again,
have everyone think I’m on the mend

Rockpile on clematis "feet" to cool it off

It’s not just my pride
It’s just ’til my sap has dried,

They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no!
Yes I turned brown, but please don’t cut me down, said a-no, no, no!

Clematis armandii, post rehab

OK, that was pretty silly. For the real (Amy Winehouse) thing, click here. Uncharacteriscially subdued/un-drunk performance, on Letterman, her first on US TV. Her hair actually looks like she’d combed it in the past couple of days! She does get a bit confused by Dave actually wanting to say hello and ask about her backup dancers, so maybe she wasn’t all there after all.

(Clematis rehab recommended by garden pro Lorene Edwards Forkner, whose blog, Planted at Home you should definitely check out if you haven’t already! She said to cut it back to the wood, which I just couldn’t bear to quite do, so we’ll see if it works with my badly executed pruning. She also thinks the plant dies back due to stress from having “hot feet” and suggested the rockpile at its base, which I hope will do the trick next year so I’m not always averting my eyes when I see this poor plant. One more year, that’s all I’m giving it. Then if it’s still sad, it’s getting the boot for sure!)


13 Responses to “Clematis Rehab”

  1. cherry Says:

    too cute … lol
    hugs, Cherry

  2. OMG….you almost made me choke on my sushi lunch! Too funny!

    Hope it works…

  3. Catherine Says:

    I love your version! My clematis has also turned brown and looks pretty bad. I think we’re going to have an intervention…

  4. RainGardener Says:

    Too funny – Amy Winehouse! I’ve always heard to put something over the base of Clematis to keep them from burning. Those rocks should do it! πŸ˜‰

  5. Racquel Says:

    Clever rendition, lol. I hope your Clematis bounces back soon. πŸ™‚

  6. Megan Says:

    Ha! Now that song will be in my head while gardening tomorrow. Does that happen to you? I always get something stuck in my head while gardening. Is that where you thought it up?
    You weren’t kidding about this clematis dying back. It does not look happy. Hope the rehab helps, but I can see why it’s on notice.

  7. Lorene Says:

    Bravo!!! Thata girl, just say NO to brown leaves. Good work with the tough love – looks better already – and I LOVE the lyrics. That’s what I need…a theme song!!! or maybe a gig on Letterman…

  8. Melanthia Says:

    I had a clematis die … perhaps overdose. This was hilarious. I missed the Letterman show. Must go watch!

  9. Chiot's Run Says:

    I do this to my clematis as well. Although I usually have a nice hosta at the base to keep it’s feet cool.

  10. Ginger Says:

    Yep, clematis are all about cool feet. Ours is buried in amongst some agapanthus. Now if I could just keep the d#%*%#! bugs from eating it in the night! Chomp! No more growing tip. Grrrr.
    I hope your radical renovation works, and I was totally singing along as I read your post! Love it!

  11. Chloe M. Says:

    That is pretty funn!

    I recommend ‘tough love’ on that clematis – I have that variety and I give it a really hard prune right after New Years. By the time it all leafs out again our cool, rainy weather is pretty much over.

    Heh, right about now we could use some rain to settle all the ash from our last round of forest fires!

    Chloe M.

  12. Aerie-el Says:

    Awesome re-wording of the song. I feel sad for Amy, and hope both she and your Clematis are doing better as the year goes on. πŸ™‚

  13. Megan Says:

    You know, I was also thinking, whenever I have had a plant stubbornly refuse to thrive, it’s usually had some weird drainage issue as a culprit. Either it had roots trapped somewhere they couldn’t expand out into the soil, or were in some weird pocket where the soil got soggy. Just an idea to keep in mind if you ever end up digging it up. And maybe you just plant it in a different location before you pull the plug completely?

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